When I'm having a difficult time with something, my natural tendency is to turn inward. To shut off communication, "hide out" doing projects, or get lost in the world of imaginary play with my son.
So let me tell you a little secret that took me years of therapy to figure out: Always turning inward doesn't really work that well as a long-term strategy for dealing with conflict in relationships.
It's been a week of transition for our family. Transitions are hard for people without significant life stressors, so that means that for a recovering addict, they are nearly impossible. Thankfully, this transition has been less bumpy than in years past. But still pretty bumpy. Filled with the kind of crazy-making behavior to which many wives of recovering addicts can relate.
I'm learning that I don't have to always silently suffer through the headaches, stomach pains, and insomnia that are often the side effects of turning inward.
I can turn outward because I am healthier. I can share my emotions with a safe person. And against all odds, my husband happens to be on the safe person list at this point in my life.
I can say that I'm feeling empty this week. I feel vulnerable, hurt, and lonely. These used to be such terrifying emotions to let myself feel, let alone express to another human being. I thought that they ruined everything. They signaled the inevitable demise of whatever relationship with which they were associated.
But they are starting to become a regular vocabulary of emotions for me thanks to my handy emotion charts and lots of practice. They are a little less scary. These types of emotions don't indicate that my marriage is doomed, or that either one of us is a failure.
They just mean that we're going through a transition.
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