Continued from here...
My therapist says that anger is usually a symptom of a more vulnerable emotion. My husband was in real recovery, and the only way I can describe it is that it was a miracle. But all I could do was be angry. It shielded me from the pain of his actions. It shielded me from the fear of opening my life back up to him. And it protected me from vulnerability.
Everything my husband did in the first few months after he moved back in irritated me. I was always mad at him. Unwilling to forgive or open up my fragile heart to him. I just wasn't ready. But I was also miserable.
My husband came home from therapy one day and showed me a flyer he had seen at his therapist's office for a women's betrayal trauma group. I didn't want to sign up, but I was so miserable and knew that I needed more help.
I'm now pretty convinced that God was reaching out to me over and over during the first year of my husband's recovery, begging me to trust the process and to trust God. But I was pretty good at ignoring the message. So he sent the message in the form of a female therapist. That I was able to open myself up to life and God again through work with her is the second miracle in the story. She gave me hope.
And hope led to the beginning of a conversion. Or maybe a reversion...
