I ask myself that question a lot. Am I doing boundaries right? Am I making the right decision when I say yes, when I say no? Am I staying strong, or do I still cave to others' desires more than I should? Am I letting God work in my life?
For so long, I lived in complete FEAR. I feared making mistakes, doing something wrong, or disappointing someone. I didn't trust in God's mercy and grace. But recovery has ripped away some of the fear that I held onto so tightly. Because that fear, that control, didn't actually prevent me from experiencing hurt, it only made it worse.
But I also have trouble knowing if I am making good decisions because my world as I knew it for many years was false. According to addict Husband, my gut was wrong. If I felt disconnected? It was just because Husband was tired. If I felt unappreciated? I was overreacting. If I felt taken advantage of? Husband would convince me that he was actually the one who was suffering.
My instincts have been warped by fear and addiction, but I am praying for clarity. For a renewed sense of trust in God that I will be cared for and given guidance always.
I FEEL this! I can relate. Isn't it amazing how God can help us see more clearly? I love that He is always there when we need Him. Things just feel so amazing when we turn to Him.
ReplyDeleteYES!
ReplyDeleteThis addiction and the effect on us and our marriage is SO complex and layered. Way more than I ever realized. It stinks that we have to experience it, but I am grateful for the way I am learning to rely on God, as hard as it is sometimes.