How Long Should I Wait For the Marshmallow?

There is a task used by psychologists to test how much self control children have. A child is asked to sit at a table. The adult puts a marshmallow in front of the child and tells the child that if she waits while the adult leaves the room, she can have two marshmallows when the adult comes back. But, if the child does not want to wait, she can eat the marshmallow, but she will only get one. Watching how children react to this scenario is fascinating...and hilarious. The researchers videotape children's behavior when they are left alone in the room with a marshmallow (youtube Mischel marshmallow task). Children try to distract themselves from eating the marshmallow by singing, dancing, and playing games. They talk to themselves, convincing themselves to wait. They touch the marshmallow, pretend to eat it, and sometimes they just take a tiny little bite hoping maybe the adult won't notice when she returns to the room.

My husband's progress in recovery is painfully slow. But if I try to control it, manipulate it, or "fix" it, I will only get one marshmallow. It only provides temporary relief to try to intervene and speed up the process, but it never gets the outcome I desire. If I let go and let God and Husband lead the recovery process, I will hopefully get a bunch of marshmallows in the form of safe and healthy love. But it's so hard to be patient! I try to distract myself. I pray for patience. Sometimes I take a little bite of the marshmallow by saying something to Husband that seems innocent, but is controlling. "Hi Husband. I just wanted to call and say Hi but I know you are probably getting ready to go to your meeting." which is code for "I'm checking up on you testing you to see if you really are attending a meeting like you said."

Today I'm feeling very impatient, but I really want more marshmallows...big fluffy marshmallows...so I wait.