I feel like I'm on the verge of a meltdown. My sanity is hanging by a thread. I'm trying to do everything in my power to keep it together. I'm exercising, practicing relaxation techniques, distracting myself with fun activities with Child, and concentrating on work. But, I feel the meltdown. My cheeks start to get red as I feel my blood pressure rising in the afternoon. I feel dehydrated and have a dull headache that stays with me all day.
I'm going through the motions and doing all the "stuff" a wife of a sex addict is told will help. I'm trying to connect with a Higher Power that seems ever elusive. I'm trying to let go. To detach. I'm trying to get back whatever it was I had that made me so calm this spring.
But I'm so damn tired. I'm tired of being unappreciated, ignored, and abandoned. I'm tired of living in a marriage where I function as the maid, the caregiver, and the occasional sex toy.
I don't know what happened to my serenity. I'm pretty sure it left the day that Husband moved back into my house.
So now what?
Two books were recommended to me by my therapist. One is called "love must be tough" and the other was "I don't have to make everything all better". These two books helped me learn a some valuable lessons. But heed the warnings in the book. I swear these books, along with my therapist, the work I put in, and gods help saved my marriage. They may be worth a shot
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I will look at both. I really appreciate the suggestions.
ReplyDeleteGoing through all the stuff you're supposed to do to make it better? It's exhausting right? I swear sometimes the self care is as exhausting as the life and really I just want to curl up under the covers and cry. I so hear you. SO hear you. Thank you - as always - for writing. I feel like every time I read your writing I am nodding to myself and tearing up because I feel so understood through your words.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your sweet comment. And, yes, it is so completely exhausting at times. Sometimes I do just curl up under the covers and cry. And maybe sometimes we need to just do that, because I usually feel better after I do.
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