On Letting Go

"Let me sum up, then, the foundational ways that I believe Jesus and the Twelve Steps of A.A. are saying the same thing but with different vocabulary:

We suffer to get well.

We surrender to win.

We die to live.

We give it away to keep it."

From Breathing Under Water by Richard Rohr

This week, Husband and I are trying to work out a possible plan for moving back in with each other in the coming months. If all continues to go well. And to do so, we would like to choose a new place to live. A new beginning. But we are waiting on some details before we move forward. And we were supposed to hear today about some of those details, but we did not. So I'm fighting with everything in me to surrender to something that is out of my control.

Maybe I'll just call to check and see if they need more information. Maybe her email got lost in my inbox. Maybe I should just check it out to be sure. Maybe I just really want to control this situation instead of surrender it to God.

It is only in recovery that I have come to understand the power of letting go. The power of surrendering the tight grip I had on every aspect of my life. Because I don't have the answers. I thought I had all the answers to life, that I didn't need God, and that I was completely self-sufficient. 

And then I found out that Husband was an addict. My whole world spun out of my control. I learned that I do not have all the answers, I desperately need God in my life, and I need support. I don't know what the future holds, and I have to trust that I am right where I should be.

So tonight, I surrender. I let go. I trust in my Higher Power.