Letting Life Happen

When we decided that we would be moving to a different state a while back, I had no idea what our living situation would be in our new city. We were separated and paying an insane amount of rent between the two of us. I had no intention at that point to move back in with Husband. So let's just say we were not exactly poised to settle down and buy a house together.

So when I started looking into rentals in the new city, I was only considering me and Child. When I inquired about new places, I inquired as a family of two. Several people told me that I should be looking at purchasing a home instead of renting. The market was a total buyer's market, and I had a good job. I thought that was a silly idea because we had never owned a house, we were a mess of a couple, I didn't have enough of a down payment, and I just didn't want any more commitments.

But the more I thought and prayed about it, the more I felt like maybe I should not dismiss the idea without exploring it. I have a history of trying to control my life and everyone in it, and this was a chance to just let life happen. 

I unexpectedly got an early work bonus that accounted for the rest of the down payment I needed, and I was able to qualify to purchase a home on my own. So I thought, what the heck, I'll look at houses with a realtor and see what happens. I fully expected it to not work out. But we ended up finding the most adorable little fixer-upper in a really nice neighborhood. As soon as I saw the house, it felt like it was where I should be. It was so....normal. And feeling like a normal family was appealing, even though we aren't a normal family. I still wasn't sure I wanted Husband to live with us, but his recovery pace was starting to pick up, and I could see some real changes.

We put in an offer for a lease to purchase, because I still couldn't commit to a house right away. I wanted a few months to "try it out" first. I was convinced that the sellers wouldn't go for it. And I was at peace with just letting it go. But the sellers agreed to the lease to purchase, and they also offered a really good deal on the house.

So we moved in August to our house that wasn't yet really our house. An in-house separation. And that first month was rocky. We had to re-learn how to be in the same house, and sometimes it really wasn't pretty. Again, I just knew the deal for the house would fall through. I wouldn't get financing because of my husband's not so great track record with money, husband would relapse, the lenders would change their mind. Surely, something would go wrong. I felt like we would not get the house and it would be a sign that our marriage isn't moving forward and it would be time to divorce.

But last week, despite all odds, we closed on the house. I can still hardly believe it happened. I really struggle with feeling like God is involved in my life and leading me in the right direction, but with this, I do believe there was a message. I feel like this means that I can move forward. And that I can think about moving forward, ever so cautiously, with Husband. I could be wrong, and only time will tell.

But we just bought our first house together. The most lovely little house that symbolizes new, albeit sometimes rocky and awkward, beginnings.