It is not a new discovery that my husband and I stink at communicating. It has been a thorn in our sides long before addiction, and I've written about it many times on my handy dandy blog.
I tried a while back to read books on how to be a better communicator with Husband. Husband seemed to be sharing more with me, and I didn't know how to respond. I have this history of shutting down and shutting out. So I wanted to try harder. I understood the general principles of the books, but I found them very hard to put into practice. So, confession time, I just gave up. Our relationship was easy. We'd pass as friends, but not best friends. However, I started to get this nagging question running through my head. Is this it? Is this what we're supposed to be? Is this all there is to our marriage? Surely not, right?
We went to the book store tonight. It's a favorite activity for our family. I was actually looking for a different book, but I came across a book written for couples that deals with restoring emotional intimacy after sexual addiction. It even came with exercises and questions to discuss with your partner. Hey! I thought. Maybe this is what would help me be more open with Husband.
I carried that book along with several others to the table to decide if I was really courageous enough to approach him about reading the book together. But before I could even say anything, he noticed the book. I told him about my difficulty in connecting with him and that I wanted to change that about myself. I asked him if this might be something we could try, to which he quickly replied, "I want to do more of my own therapy before anything like that."
Shut down. I didn't get the book. So, I guess for now...this is it. And I'm accepting it.
Instead, I chose a book by Brene Brown on recognizing shame and embracing vulnerability. I can't remember the exact title, but I know it has "I am enough" in there somewhere. I think it was the better choice.
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