Maybe I'm Powerless After All

As a follow-up to some of my thoughts earlier this week, I came to a realization.

Although I have admitted powerless over Husband's addiction, I have not admitted powerlessness over his choices in other areas. And, the root of the problem seems to center on money.

I am entirely too focused on Husband's financial situation. And I still enable him as well. I'm learning that I haven't set the appropriate boundaries. I am still clinging to the notion that I can control Husband's spending if I just get mad at him enough. And that statement is false. SO false. Nothing I say or do changes his ways. And his spending has increased as his sexual sobriety has increased. So I have fears that he is transferring one compulsive behavior to another. Regardless, I have to accept that I cannot control his money choices.

But, in accepting my powerlessness, I do need to set appropriate boundaries so that his choices do not interfere with my financial well-being or my child's well-being. I have enabled this for far too long by allowing him to pay what is much less than his fair share of household expenses so that he can chip away at his debt. But he has chosen to not chip away at his debt and instead has used the money for additional purchases. So it has to stop. Time for some healthy boundaries.

1. Husband makes a certain percentage of what I do. Therefore, he will need to contribute that percentage of money towards our joint household expenses, regardless of how much he owes in his name to other people.

2. I will not sign my name on any joint expenses, nor add my credit score to boost his ability to make purchases.

3. I will not ask him about his financial status.

The more I realize that many of my fears stem from my financially-chaotic upbringing, the more I realize how I have let Husband's choices keep me in the fear cycle. But today this will stop. I cannot focus on Husband and continue to move forward in my own recovery. I am wasting time worrying about Husband's choices when I could be using that time to pray and work on my own healing.