Remember yesterday when I was all gung-ho about accepting and appreciating the fact that I am a working mother? That those heart-wrenching moments only surface occasionally? I take it all back.
I am an utter mess today. Yesterday was my child's first day at a new school. It went really, really well. No tears and happy stories heard at the dinner table last night. This morning, not so much. "I don't want to go to school! I want to stay home with you mommy! I want you, mommy, not my teacher!" [Insert breaking mommy's heart here.]
Drop off at school today consisted of crying and clinging from us both. I didn't want to leave Child just as much as Child didn't want to leave me. Child cried, I cried. It was a complete disaster. So now I am sitting at my office desk, still a mess, and feeling like the most horrible mom on the planet. I wish I could explain to him why it has to be this way. Why mommy has to work so that he can have a place to live and food to eat. Why mommy just can't stay home because daddy hasn't been able to hold a job, or be responsible, or take an active role in the family finances. How mommy's number one dream growing up was to be a stay-at-home mommy, and this isn't her dream. Her dream was not to go to work and drop off her crying child at school.
Child cried in the beginning at the previous school too, but by the time we left, Child was crying because of missing school and wanting to go back. I pray that this happens here too.
My child did that too. It was years ago, but I remember it well! The first day he marched right in and was like "see ya" but the second day he cried and wailed and broke my heart. But, you know what? he lived and so did I and he's not scarred. He starts 6th grade this year and he doesn't remember his preschool trauma at all!
ReplyDeleteI think he saw the other kids crying the first day and thought, "oh, THAT'S what I'm supposed to be doing...."
Thank you SO much for the perspective! Today my son still cried, but it was less so than yesterday. And he's come home each day very happy and talking about the things he did in school.
ReplyDeleteIt really helped me to read that your son isn't scarred. Truly, it may sound silly. But hearing my child crying for me can make me feel as though I am ruining him for life. But I'm not, and I'm doing the very best I can!!