I Was Too Busy

One of my character flaws is using busyness as a way to avoid real connection with other people and as a way to avoid my emotions and tough decisions. Regardless of the decisions my Husband has made to damage our relationship, I have to acknowledge that I have damaged the relationship by my busyness. The more Husband sank into his addiction, the more I avoided him with busyness. I was living a life where I barely had time to breathe, let alone deal with emotions, decisions, or relationships. I took my marriage for granted. I can regretfully say that I did not give any effort whatsoever into maintaining a good relationship with Husband. Especially after he started to procrastinate and miss deadlines. Instead of asking him if he wanted to talk, I ignored him. I thought, I'm too busy for his crap. I have enough to deal with, I don't have time to listen to my Husband and all of his woes.

I didn't just do it to my Husband. I wasn't good at maintaining friendships, and I didn't put effort into my relationship with my family. I think I knew on some level that putting effort into relationships would mean vulnerability. Allowing someone to get close enough to me to be able to hurt me was one of my worst fears. I rationalized that if I just kept everyone at a reasonable distance with my busyness, I wouldn't feel pain.

My progress in this area in the last two years has been slow but steady.

For these opportunities for a new way of living and healing, I am grateful for experiencing addiction. I live with more purpose, and I live in the real and present world cherishing time with my child.