Going Back In The Trenches

Husband and his therapist have decided to ask me if I am willing to go through a formal disclosure process in which Husband comes clean, and I have a chance to tell him all of the ways in which his addiction has affected me as a woman, wife, and mother. All that peace I was feeling this weekend? Tonight it has been replaced with fear, anger, and probably some other emotions I can't identify.

I want to go through the disclosure process...I think. I definitely wanted to the first year after D-Day, I so desperately wanted him to do anything that resembled recovery. Now that I've let go of the addiction? I'm hesitant to jump back in the trenches with him. My therapist assured me that this would be a healing experience for me, and me agreeing to the process does not mean that I have to make a long-term decision about our marriage.

I'm angry that he didn't do this two years ago when I was begging him, pleading with him to get help. But I'm also glad he is doing it now, because I am in a much better place to process my emotions and be honest about my feelings.

I'm going to be praying for peace and serenity. I got off the roller coaster this year, and I'm going to use all of my recovery tools to stay on solid ground during this process.