A God Moment

I struggled immensely with Step 2 in S-Anon, the step where we come to believe that a Higher Power can restore us to sanity. I sat for months looking at the questions, unable to work the step. But there was a distinct moment in the last year when I realized that God was calling out to me...

I quit going to Church for a long time. I was so angry, and I felt like an outcast at Church. Here I was sitting with all of these happy couples with lots of children, and I was sitting feet away from Husband, a visible tension between us. I've also had trouble with male authority, and interacting with men in general, so listening to a man, however holy, preach was a trigger for me. So I quit going. 

One Sunday morning after not attending Church for about a year, Husband asked me if I'd like to go to Church, and for some reason I said OK. I don't know why, but I thought maybe it was time I give it another shot. There was a new priest speaking, one I hadn't heard before. He started his homily by reading from a book on spirituality and the 12 steps. Wait, did anyone else hear that? I thought as I looked around. Did a priest really just mention something addiction related in Church? He continued to talk about addiction, and his struggles with it, and how free it feels to be in recovery. The true freedom that comes from trusting fully in God and admitting we can't overcome this alone. 

I sat dumbfounded in Church. I had never once heard a priest talk about addiction at the pulpit. It was so real, so honest. It felt like God was actually talking just to me and Husband through this priest's homily. I have never felt so connected to the message, and I knew then that this was God calling me back.