"It's What I Do, Not Who I Am"

I recently made a decision to make a change in my career that will allow me more time at home and a lower-stress environment at work. I have wanted to make this change for a very long time, but just now worked up the courage to go for it. When I made that decision, I felt very good about it. This was the first time that I made a work-related decision because it was best for me and my family, even if it wasn't necessarily the best thing for climbing the career ladder. I called that a victory in self-care because one of my biggest struggles has been that I judge my worth based on external accomplishments. "I am a good person if I get this award at work. I am worthy if I get offered the very best job."

Last night I was at the playground and started chatting with another mom who works in a similar field. We got to talking about work, and I told her about this career move. Before I knew it, I found myself qualifying the move left and right. "Well, I did it because A and B. And, yes, I know there were more promising career moves. And I could have gone for those positions." Code speak for "I am really worthy, you'll see. I have A, B, and C in my career portfolio, you should believe me that I'm a worthwhile person. And my self-worth clearly is based on what I achieved externally rather than who I am."

The playground conversation let me know that although I made a step in the right direction by choosing a career path that is best for me and my family, I still seek validation through external accomplishments. I want to remember that my job is what I do, it's NOT who I am. But now that I am no longer basing my self-worth on what I do, I need to figure out exactly who I am.