Creative Pain

Pain, especially emotional pain, baffles me. It is at once impossible, stopping people in their tracks and weighing their souls down, and inspiring, pushing people to expand their world and grow their love.

Pain has been both of these things to me. A crusher of my spirit but also a giver of new life. This year has brought new opportunities to go medication free, to spend an incredible amount of time in therapy and 12 step work, and to experience painful growth in my marriage. 

Working through my pain is now giving me an unexpected gift. Creativity.

I never thought of myself as a creator. Never an artist. Either I didn't have these skills before, or my sense of creativity was stifled by pain, anxiety, and fear.

But God is guiding my healing in a new and unexpected direction. I am finding an amazing sense of peace in creating. I tackled my own kitchen renovation earlier in the summer, I've created design pieces for my home, and I've learned enough about sewing to make my first dress. It is satisfying to see a finished product, but as I've struggled through spiritual darkness, creating has become a form of prayer. It channels my pain into something beautiful, and it gives me the peace to see God's work in my life.