Over The Cliff

Last Night's Nightmare...
He wants me to go out to dinner with him and a "friend". When I meet her, I know instantly that she is not a friend. The two are involved. She starts to criticize me. I arrive in my usual goodwill dress and hair pulled back. She calls me boring. She, on the other hand, is dressed in a black corset, long, dark hair and lots of makeup. We sit down at the table, and I realize that I somehow have her phone. I open up the pictures to find graphic pictures, pictures of trips they've taken, pictures of them as a couple.

I start to panic and want to call someone in my family to come get me. But I can't find their numbers. I'm sobbing and Husband starts to laugh at me. He whispers things into her ear, and he starts to talk about my flaws. Naming them one by one just like he criticized me in emails. I want to leave so bad, but I can't find anyone's number to call. So I just sob as they laugh at me.

This Morning...
Meltdown. I woke up sobbing. I continued to sob. I just sat in the dark and cried. I haven't cried like that since the day I found out the full extent of Husband's acting out.

I feel a little better after melting down. I have felt so weak and helpless lately, but now I feel a surge of strength. I hope it lasts.