Clouding

Sometimes anxiety feels like I have cataracts in my brain. Despite my best efforts, I just can't see clearly. My thinking is clouded by fear and panic. By unrealistic expectations for myself. 

Here are two of the ways that my thinking is clouded by unrealistic expectations...

I want everyone in the whole world to like me.

I don't ever want to do anything wrong.

Those two thoughts at times control me. I feel like they get in the way of my progress and healing. They mess with clear and realistic thinking.

When I have such extreme expectations for myself, I am just setting myself up for failure. When I used to go into this all-or-none thinking, my therapist would say, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Since I moved, I don't go to my beloved therapist anymore, so I'll ask myself that question. What's the worst thing that could happen?

Someone could decide not to like me.

I could do something wrong.

Are those two things the end of the world? Not hardly.

And who am I to think that I could attain the status of being so amazing that no one would ever dislike me or that I would never do anything wrong?

Writing about it helps. I can see the patterns of cloudy thinking. Now if I could just let go...