Avoiding the Swirl

When I think about what detachment looks like, I picture a whirlpool at a hotel I went to with my family once when I was about 5 years old. The whirlpool had a very strong current (and has probably been shut down by now for safety reasons), and if you floated in there in an inner tube, you'd swirl around and around and get sucked into the middle. I kept getting sucked in, and my mom had to jump in and grab me out each time. It was best to sit on the edge with my feet in the water.

Addiction and codependency are the whirlpool, sometimes they swirl so forcefully that I have a hard time climbing out and safely sitting on the edge. We are going to be moving later this year, and I have been looking at housing options. I asked Husband for some information so that I could figure out a budget if we were to move back in together. But Husband is stressed out this week, and my questions came at the wrong time for him. He got angry. The swirl got stronger. He didn't answer my phone call on purpose. I texted him. The swirl became more forceful. He thought I was prying into his financial information.

And then I got sucked into the middle of the whirlpool. I was so angry. How dare he get angry at me for looking into us moving back in together! He should be doing nothing but worshipping the ground I walk on at this point! And this upcoming weekend is disclosure day in therapy! He has no right to be angry about anything after all he's put me through! He's the one who put us in this financial bind, and now he wants us to just suffer more!

I could feel that it was getting dangerous, so I got off the phone. I asked God to help me out of the water. I sat with my feet on the edge and realized that Husband's emotions aren't right or wrong. He is entitled to emotions just as I am. But I do not have to engage with him when he is angry. I was quickly becoming resentful and controlling, and I don't like myself when I get that way. I can detach and relax. It feels much better sitting on the edge of the whirlpool. It can get scary in there.