At my request, Husband moved out of our home a while back. This was not the first time that I requested he move out, but it was the first time I was serious. I told him that I could no longer function in a home with him. My progress in healing from this trauma as well as dealing with my own issues was at a standstill with active addiction still present in the home.
In the past, I would ask him to move out, and he would use his best tactics to convince me that this was not a good idea. I wasn't yet strong enough to stand up to him. But I finally hit the end of the road. I was at my limit. I tried every known method possible to function in a home with an addict, who sometimes proclaimed to be in recovery, but most of the time still lived in secrecy. I realized that the only thing left to do was to let go. Let go of his recovery, let go of our marriage, let go of my dreams for our life together. I told Husband that if he did not agree to move out, I would file for divorce. And because I knew from past behavior that I was a wimp when it came to standing up for myself, I actually went to far as to hire a lawyer and draw up papers just to make sure that I would follow through this time. With no other options left, Husband agreed to move out.
Seriously. How are they so good at confusing us and getting us to back down?! And yet, it is so hard not to. I am glad my husband is gone because I keep getting sucked into confusion when he talks to me. When he is gone, I feel peace and clarity. How long have you been separated?
ReplyDeleteIt's just SO hard to get clarity when we're "in it". You know? Looking back, I can see where I caved, where he manipulated, etc. But when I was in it, living that life? I was in survival mode. I wanted my family back. I wanted my son to grow up with married parents. I WANTED to believe his lies and his arguments, because I loved him. We've been separated for almost six months now. I made it indefinite, because I didn't know how long it would take me to heal and if or how long it would take him to have a significant period of recovery. I think that all of us wives of sex addicts are just trying to to the best for our families, and for us, separation was my last resort.
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