My family knows about Husband's addiction, at least in general terms. I was so desperately unstable in the days following D-Day that my dad had to make the trip to where I live (I don't live close to family) to make some decisions for me and take care of Child. And he needed to know my situation to some extent to help me.
Husband's family does not know about his addiction. I don't know whether this is good or bad, but the family is so enmeshed generally, that my guess is that them knowing would be bad. They know that we are separated and that Husband goes to counseling. But other than that, they are in the dark.
So what happens when they visit is that I feel triggered. Unhealthy family patterns. Enmeshment. Intrusiveness into our lives.
And they visit. A lot. Too much, maybe.
They decided on an impromptu trip today. I don't have the guts to set appropriate boundaries with them. So they are sitting in my living room right now while I type. Processing the triggers. Thinking about the boundaries that need to be set. Thinking about the glass of wine I will drink at dinner with them, and the chocolate I will eat for dessert.
Progress, not perfection.
I can relate to this! My in-laws know about my husband's addiction, but when I started to take a stand and express hurt (after years), I suddenly found myself being blamed. They know we are separated now and had already bought tickets to come visit us for THREE weeks. They come in just under a month. I am still trying to figure out what to do about it all. Addiction sure adds yet ANOTHER layer of difficulty on the in-law situation, doesn't it?!
ReplyDeleteYes, it sure does! I pray that you will find some peace (or an escape plan) when your in-laws come to visit for three weeks. I can't imagine that eases anxiety knowing that this is coming up!
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